(A very short) "How To" guide to lesbians...

As in: how we (me and some of my buds) attempt to decipher whether or not a particular woman is of like persuasion. Sometimes it's plainly (or painfully) obvious. Other times, it can cause even the best gaydars to go haywire. This is not by any means fool-proof. I have many a time been able to place a check next to most items on the list only to be slammed with "so, my husband..."

-Look at the finger nails. This is without a doubt the first place I look if my gaydar goes off (which really means nothing because it generally sucks). Short nails...possibly a dyke. Medium length...probably not. Long, fake nails...go running in the other direction. Trust me on that one.

-I know this is probably not 'p.c' but I am going to say it anyway, because: 1. this is my blog and 2. being 'p.c' all of the time is boring. Look at the hair. Be it short, very badly styled (the 'feathered look' or a mullet is a dead give-away) or shaved off, this is generally a very good indicator.

-A woman having either 'gay-face', 'gay-hands' or in some cases, both. A woman having both will make it much easier on you...and will mean she's very gay as opposed to just kind of gay. I can't really explain what 'gay-face' is...it has something to do with the jawline and the teeth that just scream 'lesbian!'. 'Gay-hands' is just that. 'Gay-hands'. When you see a woman with 'gay hands' you'll know exactly what I mean. I don't have 'gay face' but I have 'gay-hands'. This is the case with some of my other lesbian friends too. Generally, if she's gay, she will have one or the other.

-Body posture. Gay women just assert themselves differently than straight women do. We generally walk with a sense of purpose and confidence...or we strut.

-Heels. If she looks like she's in drag in them, then there is a good chance she's a dyke.

-Being a vegetarian and/or having a fridge filled with soy products. I hesitate to use this one as an indicator in and of itself because of the popularity of vegetarianism these days. But if all the others check out, then this one could seal it.

-Cats. I know I need not say anymore on this one.

I know that there are many more but these are the the ones that have come to my mind this morning...and I did say this was going to be a short guide.