How to function after a breakup

Well, actually I don't suggest this for everyone. Just for some people. Ok, really, this is my own warped way of dealing and it only works on some days. Other days I'm completely out of my head...like today.

-Listening to nasty, angry, mean hiphop/rap. This method has proven to be my #1 defense and crutch. It helps enormously. Really. I have had days where I am just sitting on my little purple loveseat feeling like absolute shit and I force myself to open up musicmatch and press "play CD". Naturally, there is always a rap CD already inserted...and since I have amazing speakers, I feel better almost immediately. It's magic. Who needs drugs??

-Clean. Lots. Just keep cleaning. The toilet, the floors, all surfaces. Your options are ENDLESS!! That's the beauty of it! You could go for hours. And just when you think you have cleaned everything, empty out the fridge! Empty your cabinets! Move furniture and clean up those dust bunnies! You'll eventually colapse from exhaustion. (tip: play some rap and drink some beer while you clean! You'll forget why you were so upset in the first place.)

-Go grocery shopping. Everyday. Just buy a little at a time. It will give you the illusion that you're feeling great and can function with the best of them. Even if you have absolutely NO intention of actually cooking, just buy the food. One day you'll be forced to forget that you're stomach is always tied in knots of sadness because you'll have rotton food to consider...and/or... your clothes will all be too big and since there is a good chance you're too broke to buy new clothes (come'on we live in NYC) you'll have no choice but to forget about your knotted stomach and you'll kick yourself for not cooking all that great food. A little kick in the ass never hurt anyone! It will strengthen your character.

-Go out. A lot. Extract compliments whenever possible. Wear something other than ripped jeans and tees (note to self). Walk really tall and make believe that you really don't hate everyone on the subway. Smile at people even though you really wish they would get out of your face...or at least brush their teeth.

-Get lost in someone else's fictional, non-existent happiness or better yet, misery! Movies can be your best friend. Nothing can make you feel better about your own crappy circumstances than watching movies where entire cities are being wiped out because of a lobotomized, republican president and his complete lack of concern (regardless of repeated warnings from BRILLIANT scientists) that the world as we know it will soon be coming to and end...except for Mexico...but everywhere else in the US...well let's just say ya'll are screwed! Especially us here in NYC. Now...why was it that you were so depressed??

-Even if you have the ugliest view outside of your only two windows in you're 400 sf apartment, just make believe that it's HIP to have busted looking warehouses directly across the street from you. You're not a yuppie, you're a pioneer! Remember: denial is good sometimes.

-Don't let insomnia get you down! It's just another outlet for your creativity! Just think about all the extra time you will have to get shit done. It's really a blessing in disguise.

-And lastly, when things seem really bleak, just take a pill and go to sleep for a few hours. Sleep can be one of the best ways to escape yourself for a bit.

Remember: It will feel like it will never end...and there's nothing you can do about that! Just surrender.