Where the hell have I been??

I ask myself this a lot lately. I have no concrete answers. None at all. The desire to write just left me. It flew away for a few weeks. But I feel like It's coming back a bit. We'll see.

So much has happened over the last few weeks. My usual problem with Time Warner cable has continued. Yes, believe it! This time though, I finally have an answer. Some cheap fuck who lives in the apartment building next door to me put a splitter on MY cable line so that he may have free cable. My cable line is on the roof and the buildings are attached so it's very easy for someone to go to their roof and just walk over to mine. Fucker. All one has to do after the nifty little splitter is attached is run the cable line into their apartment, buy a modem, attach the cable to the modem and hell, while you're at it, attach it to your tv as well and there you have it! Free cable tv and internet.

So, his theivery is fucking with my signal, thereby interupting with my service. The only solution is for Time Warner to run my line into the backyard. The problem with this is they need to have access to the backyard AND to the illegal basement apartment below me where a woman who speaks very little english resides. My spanish is very basic and it would be nearly impossible for me to explain all of this to her. The other problem is that in order to get to the backyard, I have to go through my neighbor's apartment who lives behind me. What does this all mean? It means I have to try and coordiante a time when they are both home. I have to ask them to stay home for 4 fuckin hours, since that it the usual window of time given, in order for Time Warner to come barging through their apartments so that I may have a stable internet and digital phone connection. Hmmm....do you think this will really happen?

I have done one thing to combat the fucker. I disconnected my wireless router and have gone back to using the ethernet cable. I had a feeling that since he was stealing everything else, he was no doubt using my wireless signal. Since I don't know how to make it a secured connection anyone one can use it. Not anymore! And you know...since I have done this, my connection has been stable. Haha! It does feel good, I tell you.

I have more stories to tell but need to ease back into this slooowwwly.

Oh, and I noticed that I have decided, without a doubt, that my cable thief is a guy. Something to think about.

A piece of happiness realized.

Today, one of my items from my 'list of things I want to do' was realized. If I knew how to link you to the post, I would. But I don't know how. Anyway, it was about allowing myself to get completely soaked during a downpour. I have in the past wanted to do this very badly, but have always felt the need to run away...to get out of the rain. Not so today.

I was on my way home from a lovely weekend in Fire Island. I took a cab from the Flatbush Avenue station in Brooklyn. The rain was well on its way, according to the sky. The thunder was rumbling as I sat in the cab and I found myself getting excited about the possibilities. I was almost home, and then it happened. The rain came down. Hard. I asked the driver to leave me a few blocks from my house so that I may finally get to live my dream. He seemed somewhat uncomfortable about it and offered me a seat in the car until the rain stopped. Are kidding me, I thought?? This moment is exactly what I have been waiting for. And so, I got out and walked. Slowly. In the heavy downpour. People were hiding under storefronts and I couldn't understand why they did not want to get out there and get soaked. I enjoyed every moment so fully that it almost felt as if the rain wasn't hitting me...but was everywhere around me. It was an amazing experience.

And so, I get to knock one off my list. Soon, I will get to knock another off my list. My friend R and I are going to take flight in a balloon very soon. We are going to do it as a celebration of our birthdays, which are one month apart...so this will most likely take place in late September. I can't wait. R, I'm so glad we are friends!

Cheers!

You,

Inspire me, make me smile, make me feel safe, make me laugh, make me feel beautiful, make me feel special, make me dizzy, make me want to be fully me, make me open, make me believe, and make me realize that all things are possible.

Thank you...so much.

I'm so happy to be back.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

I am at this very moment typing this post from my house, on a super fast and flawless cable internet connection with the soft glow of my television and the hum of The Food Network delightfully playing in the background. Need I say more?

Due to severe sleep deprivation, I am going to take a short nap as soon as I am done with this post.

Good Afternoon all.

I Won!!

Yes! I finally won the war with Time Warner. I made them come today to fix my cable internet (3rd times a charm?) instead of Wednesday...well you know the story if you read the post below. I wouldn't get off the phone otherwise. And finally, after sitting on hold for 20 minutes, they caved in. I told them that they had to squeeze me in. I left them no other option. I also said something to the effect of "well if I was famous I'm sure you would have someone come out today, wouldn't you"? I was a major bitch and they wanted to oil the squeaky wheel very badly. HA! I feel good. So good that it doesn't even matter that I am sitting out here with my big laptop looking like a weird person. I am weird I guess. Weird and strange. Yes.

Wow, it's happening again!

Yes, it is. No one will believe this, I'm sure. Guess where I am?? No, guess! Isn't this fun?! Yes...No... Kind of...I am sitting outside on the benches in front of a bar ("The Mark Bar"...they have free wireless internet) around the corner from my apartment. "Good lord"! you say? "Why"? you ask...yes, yes these are all very good questions. Well, I'm sitting out here on a hot day, with my laptop, looking like a freak because I am an internet addict and my cable internet is not working AGAIN! Yes, it's true. It's true. Hard to believe, I know. It stopped working yesterday but I didn't have the energy to call Time Fuckin' Warner and deal with them. But I called this morning when I saw that it was still not working. Yes, I ripped them a new one. I couldn't take it anymore. Have they been helpful so far?? No, not really. They said that the soonest time they have open is Wednesday. Fuckers. In fact, I am on hold right now waiting to speak to a supervisor...oh, wait here he is! OK, now I'm gonna get some damn service, yes?

Oh, now I'm on hold again. I just yelled at the supervisor and he put me on hold. He too tried to give me an appointment for two days from now and I said "NO! TODAY. TODAY". I'm not taking any other answer. I know, I'm a freak. I don't care. I want this taken care of TODAY.
This is completely out of control and ridiculous. Grrrrr...It's hot out here and my hot laptop on my lap is making me hotter. Fuck. My cell phone is about to run out of juice...and I'm still on the phone. If I lose contact now, lord, I will never have service again! Arrrgghhh!

Oh, and guess what else? My very expensive, awesome big headphones are only working in one ear. Yes, they too are broken. I just learned this last night. I'm going to cry. I love them. Help!!

Internal and External Chaos

Thinking...thinking.

Some days are made for reflection. I think the universe has set things up this way. Today is one of those days for me. I just woke up with 'it' after sleeping...wow...for 10 1/2 hours. I haven't had that much sleep in quite a long time. I would have kept sleeping had Buggy not woke me up by nipping at me in various places. I think it's time for an automatic feeder for them.

This reflection is kind of 'dulling'. Or as I have written before 'flat'...as when the bubbles are no longer present in soda or seltzer water. It's not a bad thing...just different. I think about how it is that I am here. I look around my apartment and it looks familiar to me now. "Yes", I think..."this is my home". If I were to visit my old apartment it would look strange and feel wrong. Awkward, really. Then I think about school and I realize that I have shocked myself. It all just happened so quickly.

I think about people too. I think about my new neighborhood. It's so vastly different from my old one. The people here feel more 'real' to me in the sense that this is what most of America is like...well, not like *that* but in the sense that people here work their ass of to survive. Many of the families are close and have a certain aura of togetherness and connection. You just don't see nanny's pushing strollers around here.

I think about the people the have come in and out of my life. I wonder about the people who have left my life and are just not present right now. Will they be gone for a short time or for many years? Will they ever come back? I think then about the new people in my life. So many new people and there is so much to learn about each of them. I feel really lucky. What will I take and what will they give?

There is even new music in my life. I guess really, it's all just new experiences. I have new, exciting things planned. Things I have never done before.

Everything seems very large and mystical to me right now. You know, we all have shifts in our lives. Sometimes they are suttle and we don't feel them...we sense them perhaps but maybe we can't place our finger on it exactly. But this shift for me is anything but suttle. It's loud and omnipresent. It's all encompassing. It's amazing. It's life changing.

To the man who spit a lugee on a windy afternoon:

It was entirely too close to blowing in your face and mine. Next time you have an overwhelming urge to free yourself from all the excess saliva that is floating about in your mouth, why don't you tilt your little head towards the bright blue sky and let loose!